ARE YOU FROM AFRICA?

AND OTHER HILARIOUSLY STUPID QUESTIONS ABOUT AFRICA

Person: where are you from?

Me: Tanzania

Person: what part of USA is that?

Me: Tanzania is in North, South of East America.

Person: So, you are from Africa, I mean Tanzania, right? My boyfriend's sister's cousin is from Ghana do you know him?

Me: Good Lord. Yes, I do, you know what, we all Africans we know each other.

Person: How did you get here?

Me: I cross by swim Atlantic and Indian oceans for 2 and half hours and then hitchhiked one hour through the Sahara Desert, from there to reach here it took me a five weeks and 2 months.

Person: What is Africa like?

Me: Very, very Dark, that's why most of us has dark skin.

Person: Do you have electricity in Africa?

Me: No, we don't use electricity in Africa, we use Bioluminescent beetles or Firefly or lighting from the thunder.

Person: So how do you recharge your mobile phone?

Me: So you already know that, there's no electricity in Africa, we depending on those bugs and lighting from the thunder, it's quite difficult to use lighting to charge our phones, so what we do is; every time we have to recharge our phones, we go to the river filled with Hippopotamus, and then you pick a hippo and insert your cable in to the hippo's butt, and put the other part of cable into your phone. then in less than 30 seconds, your phone will be fully charged... It's so fast because the hippo's butt emits so much high voltage, that it charges the phone super-fast.

That's how we charge our phones in Africa.

Person: How do African women give birth?

Me: We're not born, we fall from the sky. I fell too...!

Person: How?

Me: Well, African women don't give birth, because African are not born. Anytime a family want a child, the community wizard takes them to the village square and they stand in a big circle. And then he does some incantations and prayers and immediately a Bifrost opened and a child who is aborted from America or Europe is thrown straight from Bifrost into the family's arms. And then they take the child home and raise it.

That's how we have Kids in Africa.

Person: Do you have supermarkets in Africa?

Me: What's Supermarket?

Person:  Do you hunt your own food?

Me: No...! Okay yes. Yes, we do.

Person: Do you live in huts?

Me: Yes, some of us do, but most of us live in the big trees, one small African tree can accommodate up to 60,000 people.

Person: Do you have lions in your house?

Me: Yes, I do, it's the same way you guys keeping dogs in your house, so do I.

Person: Can you see Mount Kilimanjaro from your house?

Me: I live inside of Mount Kilimanjaro.

Person: How does it feel to wear clothes?

Me: Feel very strange, it's uncomfortable!

Person: Which tribe do you belong to?

Me: Afrikanian

Person: Do you speak African?

Me: Not fluently, no. But here are a few words I can teach you...

Hakuna Matata means No worries!

Rururuuu mean Means Come here!

Person: How did you learn to speak English?

Me: From witch doctor! She just put a dictionary in boil water for few minutes, after that she gave me the water to drink, that's how I know to speak English.

Person: Do you like having Mugabe as president?

Me: Yes, I like him very much, he's our African King

Person: Do you have trouble with tigers and kangaroos?

Me: No, not at all, they are pets, sometimes we use them as means of transportation.

 

Person: Aren’t you scared to go outside? Because of the lions?

Not at all, we use lions, Leopard and Cheetah for security, they are great for personal security and property security.

 

Person: Do you have air conditioning in Africa?

Me: No, we don't have air conditioners in Africa, but whenever the weather gets really hot, and we begin to sweat profusely, the community chief priest gathers as many Elephants as he can get at the village square and gives them treat and get them to flap their ears, once they begin to flap their ears a cool bleeze is circulated throughout the community. The faster they flap their ears the cooler the breeze.

And that's how we survive without air conditioners in Africa. The African Elephant is not just an animal but a source of fresh air.